Weird Ads

Just because my hands are smooth, doesn't mean I'm not a real man.

This guy came into my work and introduced himself to me. He immediately shook my hand. First off, I don't like to shake hands. Its an old tradition showing the person you have just met that you do not have a weapon, like brass knuckles or something. But hell, you could have a joy-buzzer, or you could have just wiped your ass with your bare hand and now giving me some type of hepititus stain. Seriously, we should probably hug. That's way more affectionate and endearing. It also says you are comfortable with yourself and not afraid to pull a man in closely. This hand shaking bullshit is for boxers. I'm not gay, I haven't even seen brokeback mountain, but I'm not afraid to hug another man.

Back to this guy.

He was like a contruction worker or something, here to work on some equipment in the office. Anyways, the guys shakes my hand. Now, I'm a pretty masculine type of guy. I usually have a tooth-pick or a corn-cob pipe dangling from my mouth. I also don't shave my neck, so I have stubble around my collar. I also have a pretty macho haircut, short and tight.

Well instinctivly he sizes me up as a wuss, cause I have really soft and smooth hands. He gives me like that once over look, like "you fuckin' pussy, you never worked a hard day in your life. You got hands as soft as rose petals." I am concerned of my paws because, well, I jack off a lot. So when I go bench press or do concentration curls I always wear nice gloves.. usually Joe Weider gloves. He was a real man.

My hands are smooth because I was my dishes with a softening gel that is tough on dirt but easy on the skin. Washing dishes could really damage your skin. You keep your hands submerged under hot water while dealing with grease and various oils/fats/starches.

Did I mention that I beat off a lot? Cause when I jerk my cock, I don't use a lube, instead I use a moisturizer. This softens up my hands even more, especially my right hand. It also does wonders for my penis. My penis is kept pretty silky smooth, so on that rare occassion I do get to share it with a woman, she will be impressed with my well kept meat pole.

Found by Weird Mick at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

looking 4 someone who knows electrical - m4m - 28

young dude in hlywd is looking for a guy who can help with a lighting fixture
that is not connected properly--there is power at the source--but theres also an out outlet connected to the same source and i don't want to mess w/it anymore, as i'm not an electrician---so--lets do a barter--you fix my light andi'llhelp u drain your pipe..please,be in shape ,goodlooking, masc and neg--send face pics for return.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

WHO WANTS TO BE FIRST mememememememe

I GOT CAUGHT IN MY WIFES PANTIES AND SLIP AND DRESS
NOW I HAVE TO FIND MY FIRST COCK TO SUCK AND MY WIFE SAID IF I'M GOING TO WEAR GIRLS CLOTHES THEN I HAVE TO GET FUCK LIKE ONE AND SHE WANTS IT
ON FILM TO WATCH ME SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL !!

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'M ON THE GAY ATKINS DIET - 55

I'm old enough to be your Dad- and I don't look like Harrison Ford or Heath Ledger.....but, I love to feast on young tube steak and rump roast....I prefer affectionate YOUNG, smooth unhung guys who want more than an anonymous quickie....Ready to host now in WeHo

Found by Weird Mick at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Seeking Slutty Rocket Scientist - m4w - 35

A SLUT WITH BRAINS?

Let me explain….

I want a woman who is sexy, and unashamed of her sexiness. She doesn’t literally have to plow through men and jump from bed to bed with no strings attached, but I want her to love sex for sex’s sake, and I want her to worship the cock. I want her to be someone who thinks about fucking throughout her day, and who has an undying, unabashed curiosity about it.

Experience is great; enthusiasm is better.

And I want her to be smart. Not rocket scientist-smart, necessarily, but interesting to talk to, creatively inspired – someone who leads a rich and full life, is challenging intellectually, and offers me something other than pussy and companionship on lonely nights.

In return, I guarantee the same stimulating, witty conversation and body worship (with all the requisite tenderness). Happy to indulge any sexual proclivities she may have.

Open to anything: one night, one week, one year, or eternity.

You might be thinking, “No shit, everyone wants this. Who the hell does this guy think he is?”

WHO THE HELL AM I?

I’m in very good shape (gym, hiking, running), lean bod, green eyes, hair on head, not on back, and clean-shaven about half the week. Basically clean-cut (i.e. normal) but do have some edge (some hidden tats, some fun clothes). Writer (former music journalist turned TV hack), art lover, fan of sushi and the outdoors. Live by the beach. Well-mannered and polite to a fault.

AND YOU ARE…

…in shape (not modelesque, but take care of yourself) and
comfortable in your skin. Exotic, offbeat, disarming, unpredictable -- all are good things. Moody is fine, just not stormy. Self-assurance is great, but not necessary in all contexts. And, as the headline clearly states, bright = sexy. Finally, you are a woman. NO GUYS, PLEASE…no matter how good you look in make-up and a dress.

So, if this description moves you, or at least piques your curiosity, and you satisfy all or even part of my criteria, drop me a line and let’s exchange a photo or two.

Found by Weird Mick at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Let me be the Women - 39

Hi my name is Steve, somtimes Stephany! I love to please a man, its such a rush! I'm into oral and anal and I love a mess! my equipment doesnt always work so I've given into becoming a bitch! no surgerys planned! I sort of like dominant humiliation! currently I have a gotee and havent dressed up for months. But if the right guy (generouse in the relationship)comes along I would be willing to stay stephany most of the time! I have to work and I do construction work! So its very difficult! If you like what you see you can ask for more pics! I can E-mail them... Steve

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Need a MEXICAN TOP to fulfill my unusual FETISH

I am a 55 gwm 6'0" 195#. I have an unusual fetish. I like to wear the mens
Jockey black nylon boxer shorts and tee. I like a Mexican man who would wear
the black, tight fitting leather gloves and make love to me wearing those gloves
(I have a pair if you don't) and putting your hands inside the shorts and play-
ing and teasing me. It is unusual fetish, but this is a complete turn on for me.

I am looking for a man who is masculine, dominante, really turned on by men
with beards/goatees, bald/shaved heads. Just be height and weight proportioned
and NOT shaved down below. I like men who are alot younger than me. Below 40.

I know this is a long shot. But I thought I would try. I have my own home to
host you at in Castro Valley. I would like this to become a regular thing, if
we sexually click.

Send photo and stats for directions to my place. I just retired, so can host
and accommodate you at your conveience.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Language lessons in the nude or in undies - decent-looking teacher! - 27

Hello everyone,

Have a New Year's resolution to learn a new language? Well, why not do it in the nude or in undies?!

I have a doctorate degree from Duke University, and over six years of foreign language teaching experience. I offer classes in Spanish, French, and modern Hebrew. REASONABLE RATES.

Serious replies only, please. This ad is 100% for LANGUAGE LEARNING. If you are looking for an escort, please do not reply. Thanks.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Under 22? Give good BJ? Need $$$? Then read this... - 22

Someone meet up with me and make this fantasy a reality. Im 28 and work in the Burbank area.

Come to my work for a job interview. Once inside my private office, we start talking about your qualifications. You tell me a few and then say, "Oh, and I give great head. And if you hire me, you'll get head from me till you cum at least once a week." You then reach into my desk, pull out the dildo and say, "Wanna see how good I am?" I say yes and then you start sucking on the dildo, making it all hot and wet.

Then you give me an even more personal demonstration and start sucking on my finger. After a bit you say "So am I hired?" You are licking your lips and everything, getting me all hot. I'm fumbling, saying I have to check with personnel first and there may be a delay, but I want to hire you sooo bad. You then say, "Give me $$$ and I'll give you a personal sample of my work." I give you $$$, thinking I'm gonna get full on head. You then lick my hard dick one single time, get up and say, "Hire me and you'll get a lot more" and then walk out the door.

Send your pix and lets meet up now.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's all about Pleasing the Guy

One thing guys can be sure of: chicks up to age 29...to them sex is all about pleasing the guy. Thank god they're wired that way, or we'd have no blowjobs in the Mayfair Market parking lot.

Another funny thing about females: It comes from the rock band touring world. Their cycles get synced to the "alpha female". If they play a gig, then go home in separate cars you don't see this. But if they sleep four to a hotel room, ride around in the van, put makeup together, play together, eat together, then their cycles will happen together too.

They're ANIMALS!

Found by Weird Mick at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

DISABLED**OLD** MAN **WANTS **ORAL**SERVICE - 60

WHITE DISABLED 60 YEAR OLD, SHORT 5'8", FAT 250 WITH A HAIRY BEER BELLY AND VERY SMALL DICK WITH BIG BALLS. MUST HOST IN MID WILSHIRE AREA,LIVE ALONE, AVAILABLE MOST OF THE TIME DUE TO DISABILITY. JUST NEED EXTRA OXYGEN TO CLIMB STAIRS. WOULD LIKE ORAL SERVICE ONLY. I AM CLEAN, HONEST DISEASE FREE, DOWN TO EARTH AND HIV-.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

blk male seeking blk brotha Here's my fantasy - 27

blk male seeking blk brotha Here's my fantasy. You come over to my apt in HARLEM. We sit on the couch. I'm ignoring you Completely! LOOKING AT A BASKETBALL GAME OR FOOTBALL GAME OR BOXING MATCH OR PORNO

I take my dick out, You get your face real close to it but don't touch it at all. All the while, I'm igoring you as if you were not even there. At this point, your shadowing me.If I get up to go take a piss, Your right there, face almost in my crotch, but not.Watching my BLK DICK, up close. No words are spoken.ONLY eye contact.Just you getting a close up view as I jack, get soft, get hard again, scratch my balls, etc.When it's time for me to cum, you'll be still watching up close. maybe on your knees. If you happen to be in the line of fire when I shoot,that's your problem. If your mouth happens to be open and you get cum blasted in your mouth, too fucking bad.. remember, I'm completely ignoring you.You leave after I cum, not before, no matter how long you have to keep an eye on my dick.

If you want to help make this STR8 GUYS FANTASY come true, then you must REPLY WITH A FACE PIC.
HARLEM, Looking for now and tonight. > NO FACE PIC = NO REPLY! Your face pic gets my DICK PIC. That's all You send, Thats all I send. Looking for BLK KAT OR BLATINO guy.

this is in or around HARLEM

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Do you love "Sex and the City"? Then do not read this! - 28

Do you love "Sex and the City"? Do you live for the parties in the Hamptons? Are you obsessed with celebrities like JFK Jr. and Princess Diana, and did you mourn for weeks after their deaths while not giving a damn about the hundreds of thousands of people who starved to death on those days? Do you love reading magazines like People and Cosmopolitan? Do you have closets full of shoes, but never feel like you have enough (and aren't those new triangular pop though they're horribly overpriced and uncomfortable)? Is recycling something that everybody else should do, but not you? Is it really important to get your nails manicured every week? Do you need to buy a new outfit before any major social event? Is happiness a $500.00 Prada purse? Do you spend more on makeup than on books? Do you treat taxi drivers, waiters, waitresses and other "low" people like the dirt that they really are? Is television your only hobby? Do you have absolutely no artistic or creative interests? Do you stay slim by starving yourself, throwing up and/or smoking? Is the whole point of working out just to attract a man and not for your lifelong health? Do you despise cute house pets, but own a number of fur coats? Can you name every cast member on the show "Friends" but not a single Supreme Court judge or the president of any foreign country? Is the concept of learning a foreign language or about other countries completely alien to you, even though you love to travel? Do you rudely and obnoxiously and inconsiderately shout into your cellular phone in public places and answer the phone even during sex? Would you rather date the "player" type who is masterful at pathetic, contrived, witty pickup lines in a smoky, super hip bar with velvet ropes and a gorilla for a doorman outside instead of somebody who can hold an intelligent conversation over a meal in a nice restaurant? Is your idea of wild sex doing it on the couch once in a while?

If you answered "yes" to the above questions, then you represent everything that is wrong with women in Los Angeles. If, on the other hand, you answered "no" to these questions, then I need to hear from you soon as possible.

Found by Weird Mick at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Just want to suck a nice cock - odd/weird cocks are fun... - 35

I love an odd cock: Curved, crazy-huge, super-extra skin, etc.

All welcome. Send stats, pics (of your cock, too) and location.

Negative here, you need to be too.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I hope my dick doesnt bounce around when i massage you

MY DICK ALWAYS BOUNCES AROUND WHEN I GIVE A MASSAGE. if you come for a massage, please dont be embarrassed if my dick starts bobbing around.... it may poke you in your side.

I do professinoal massage? its 100 an hour.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

HOT GHOST - 27

I'M A SUPER HOT GHOST IN INGLEWOOD AT THE INGLEWOOD MORTUARY AT CENTINELA AVE. I AM TAKING OVER THIS GUY'S BODY THAT WORKS HERE AND I WANT TO GET HIM POUNDED REALLY HARD. I HAVE A NICE DICK AND COCK AND BALLS. HOT SLIME. YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED. NO PUSSIES ALLOWED, UNLESS YOU WANT TO BRING A WOMAN ALONG. DON'T BE SCARED. I JUST WANT TO GET THIS GUY LAID. I AM THE HOTTEST FUCKIN GHOST THAT YOU WILL EVER MEET. MARK MY FUCKIN WORDS, FUCKER. THIS WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST, MOST MEMORABLE EXPERIENCES THAT YOU WILL EVER HAVE.

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Herpes

No, I do NOT have it. And no, you CANNOT see the paperwork from my doctor that says so merely to ease the mind of your new boyfriend.

I am not your fucking chump.

You tell me AFTER a year of fucking that you had it all along...and now you want to SEE my negative lab results to appease yourself that you're "not that contagious" and reassure your new guy?

Are you fucking SERIOUS?

Yeah...no. You get to just take my word for it and DEAL. Or, I suppose, you can blab about town that you really don't have proof that I don't have it. Whatever. Guess what? THAT information is between me and my current girlfriend. I'm not lying to you and, if you don't believe me, I don't give a shit.

Fuck ALL the way off.

Found by Weird Mick at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Look at my pic...lets post yers...no more autopsy shots please! - 20

Hi eevryone you all need to post pics like these...no hats sunglases...cock shots ass shots only....yeah if yer old thats kool im into older younger wat ever but no more surpeises please ..if i want sumwun old ill respond to taht ad or if i want sumwun young ill respond too that one! now queens no one is new on this site we are alll whore so live up to it post those pics queens! i have seen you on on the blvd...you cant hide yer all the same ones on adim 4 adim and man hunt dont act like yer new and no more autopsy shots! thank you! you know il emaill all you withe the stoopied wrong age pics..oh i love the queen withe the cock shot with the red rubber bracelts around it i wrote him and sed"is yer cock in kaballha?" he even worte back he can rember he fucked me 8 monsth ago ay his apt on wilcox!!! lol

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Let me come thru and suck the dilly

A nigga lookin to suck on some dilly.......
U got dick..holla. Dis what I'm workin wit. Send me something back if U want me to reply. I am not gonna travel too far. So, If you know where King and Vermont is....figure out how far you are form there. If you aint local.....then don't hit me up!

Found by Eric at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hard Cock Little Panties - 21

I want to come to your house and for you to have some your gf's wife's, daughters, or roomates panties for me to wear. Think if would be hot to have you sit down and have me bend over in front of you reavialing my panty ass could also wear a skirt if you want. you unzip and take out your hard cock and i will grind my tight little ass on your untill you are close then we can see what happens. I can not host so be able to and be near Burbank. HAVE PANTIES OR LINGRIE. I dont have any I have roomates who dont know about this side of me. Send a pic. Also good if you have a webcam I get so hard when we play on cam and we can watch others cum to what we are doing. Lookin for now. 21 male in Burbank.

Found by Eric at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Fuck My Black Ass! Ride me , it's the tighest, hottest Ass in LA

Fuck My Black Ass! Ride me , it's the tighest, hottest Ass in LA tear this sweet booty up, title says it all,be young 18-45 clean, HIV Neg. UB2 I am hosting in West LA. I am attractive, an excellent bottom who can give you the best head you ever had. My stats are 33 6ft 195 black hair, brown eyes clean shaven. I am not fat but I don't have a gym body either. PnP is okay if you share LOL. I am into hooking up right now, if you are not then end your participation now. I am hosting in West LA, look at the time on the clock. If anyone decides to ignore this and then says well it's getting late, or wow thats too far to drive. You will be an enemy from now on.! Other than a decent person you should be clean, neat, Respond w. pics and stats. Able to hold your liquor or whatever like a man. If you are introverted then bypass this, we have way too much fun together. Hosting here.

Found by Eric at 08:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hot Dentist? - 29

Anyone know any really hot dentists?
Hate going and think having someone hot to go see would be good motivation.

Thanks.

Found by Eric at 01:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

En Busca De Uncut Latino

Hola Amigos,

I'm a Japanese male 31yo 5'7 145 7.5"+ uc looking for a native Spanish speaker (latin) to practice my Spanish with, ESPECIALLY during sex.

REPLY WITH YOUR COMPLETE STATS, LOCATION, and ORIGIN(mexico, puerto rico, el salvador, cuba, costa rica etc).

You must be uncut and have facial hair.

Escribeme solamente en espanol con tu foto. Soy Japones, tengo 31 anos, mido 5'7 peso 145, 7.5 pulgadas gruesa, y tengo bigote(well, actually goatee). Busco chulo/papi moreno varonil sin cortar para pasar un BUEN tiempo. No te olvides a decirme como eres, el tamano de tu verga y donde vives. No tengo lugar.

Found by Eric at 08:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Pudgy Dwarf Seeks Prince Charming

52 yo gay white dwarf(4'2" 135#)seeks hot in shape bottom under 35. I may be short but I'm very tall lying down if you know what I mean :) I also have lots of facial hair to tickle you between your legs. Want to get you all excited then slide my pole into your hot tight hole. You must be white, in shape, under 35, HIV-. No flakes.

Found by Eric at 02:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hot Boy wants BRYAN SINGER..... - 27

Very hot boy looking to get fucked by Bryan Singer.
NSA..just think you are hot.
if interested let me know

I know you like boys and I am a hot one.

* this is in or around hollywood

Found by Eric at 01:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Embarrassing Penis Exam

E-mail me if you've ever experienced the clinical embarrassment of having your penis examined during a doctor's office visit. Be prepared to unfasten your trousers, lower your zipper, and stand in your undpernats, while the physician examines the outline of your penis through the white cotton. You will feel the thumbs locking into the elastic waistband, and slowly lowering your briefs until they clear your penis, and a protracted examination will begin. The examination will require a witnessed erection and subsequent ejaculation.

Found by Eric at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

plaster copy - 48

Wanted expert to help me with a cock sculpture.

Found by Weird Mick at 05:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The absolute truth about me is......... - m4m - 34

I am 34 (On some days I could get away with saying 29 on other day's I probably look closer to 40!)
I am not Brad Pitt hot but I am not Jack Black ugly either.
I do not have a "World Wrestling Federation" body but I am not a candidate for the "Biggest Loser" reality show either. I am 6.1 and 188 lbs.
I am not Donald Trump rich but I am a motivated, successful executive with a high profile company.
I am not a Paris Hilton-Tara Reid party freak - I like to go out but usually to a great dinner, a movie or a play. I am not "The Amazing Race" jet setter but I love road trips.

I am not looking for somebody "Nickelodian" young But I am not looking for somebody Regis Philbin old.
I am not looking for somebody on the Forbes 500 but I definately am not looking for "Dude; Can I borrow $1.25 for the bus ride home?"
I love a good Kathy Griffin sense of humor but do not want somebody Janice Dikenson insane either.

If you would be interested in getting to know me send an email telling me about yourself. I would like a picture if you have one.

Found by Weird Mick at 01:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)