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We know someone who once picked up a doormat at Target.

THE REDHEAD BUYING THE WELCOME MAT AT TARGET!

Please forgive the caps. And the fact that there's a Craigs List posting about you. Anyway, I saw you at Target today.

You bought some sort of welcome mat. You were with a guy who I had to assume was your boyfriend, then I got the sense that he wasn't, but probably wanted to be.

I could be making all of this up, but aside from being gorgeous, you had a air about you that was happy and confident without being ditzy or cocky. And then you smiled at me.

(The same exact scenario happened once with me and Sheryl Crow. --obligatory Hollywood starfucker name drop-- She walked past me, and she smiled, my knees buckled just a tiny bit, and I was unable to speak. And then Lance walked by, and it was quite over.)

So, you smiled at me, and I wanted to talk to you, but Lance then was there.

Your smile was better, though.

Alright. I should probably go - Bow Wow and Ciara split up today, and I'm quite shaken from the news....

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