Weird Ads

Vacationing Married Mainlander Looking To Cheat One Time - m4w - 38

Fed up married man looking for NSA encounter while wife lays out at the pool or whenever the oppurtunity presents itself. Would love to hook up with a native Hawaiian lady (You ladies are very sexy), however I am game for most any type of woman regardless of age or race. Even a fellow vacationing woman who is fed up with her hubby would be welcomed. I am a normal white hard working american male who would like a NSA meeting. I am 6'2'' 225lbs and dark hair. I am clean cut and don't do drugs or smoke. I have a professional type job and am college educated. I just want to have a little extra fun while the crabby wife spends all my money here on Maui! Please be serious before making contact. Mahalo!

Hey, kids, Shake it lose together.

If you're a regular peruser of Weird Ads, then you might've noticed that I, Wierd Mick, have been pulling most of the duties here for a few days. Now, it's my turn to take a little vacation, so please welcome back Eric. Take it away, Eric. See you on the eleventh.

-W.Mick

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Burton Roberts from Survivor - 35

I saw you at the Apprentice after party last night. Was standing near the bar while you were talking to past Apprentice contestants (John and the tall blonde lady; forgot her name). We made eye contact a few times, not sure if you're single or what your story is, but I'm definitely interested if you are ;)

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I saw you watching me while i watched porno. - m4w - 32

Did you like the movie or me masturbating? Either way, i thought it was pretty hot too. I wish you'd come back sometime.

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To all my trick ass Weho's @ the Abbey - m4m - 25

Damn! All you tricks last night at the Abbey was hot! I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to take you all home with me, but I had to settle for just 2. Anyways- you are all hot tricks!

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

BAREBACK SHOOT!!!! REPLY ASAP with body, face shots and phone # - m4m - 24

Looking for guys between the ages of 20-35 for an all-male BAREBACK gangbang. We can provide you with a mask if you want. Need good looking men, tops, bottoms, versatiles. This is going to be an incredible video and all participants will receive a free copy of it.
The pay is :
$100 with a mask
$200 without a mask
We need guys who would love to be a part of this project. It's only 1 day shoot in a beautiful house in Hollywood Hills. Cum and play with us and make some money.
REPLY ASAP with pics and PHONE NUMBER to [redacted@]yahoo.com

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

seeking Soul Mate for Casual Soul Mate Sex - 36

I read a lot of ads on [the Internets] and I have to say that I am very unimpressed by how many guys are just looking to have meaningless sexual encounters with strange girls. How awful. I am so different.

I seek casual sex with my Soul Mate. While I would love to spend a lot of time with you in this life and get to know you, I am actually quite busy and prefer to just fuck you for now. The fact that we don't really know each other in this life is irrelevant. We know each other in the spirit world and have already established trust and love. Let's just take advantage of that eternal relationship we have in that other world and have a good raunchy fuck here in the living world. And let's do it a few times over the next couple weeks. Then when we are done we can go our seperate ways. I promise to call you in a future life or even commit to you!

Since I am a very spiritually in-tune fella, I can tell you that my Soul Mate girl is thin and cute and loves to have sex with me. She is very open-minded in bed and will try a lot of things with her Soul Mate (me). What a dirty little Soul Mate she is - and I am going rip her clothes off and go down on her until she has a Soul Mate orgasm. Then I will fuck her as if I don't know her (we will pretend), as if I am some dude she just met and has never known before (even though she will know me already from our eternal world). It will be dirty naughty soul make action!

So let's get it on. I want you to back that ass up to your Soul Mate.

I look forward to hearing from all my Soul Mates girls and picking the right one for making the sex with me!

Photo for photo.

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

FINE dont get your shit together keep drinking till you never get laid - w4m - 37

I gave my ass over to you, and you cant do the same for me! What a nasty pussy you must have by now, ew, nevermind keep drinking and waste it all, i never said LA either, stop drinking, drink pussy juice instead, much better, lots of viamins and goood good stuff, you do something make a choice or i will go way and leave you with the computer and no more responses from me ever. I only want to be your friend and help you i am not trying to fuvck you anymore. One addict t9o another, help me save your life, you know i have the power to do so. Come on actly like a straight girly girl stupid chick i would want to beat up. Make up something if you dont want to tell your dad the truth, im on your side, but i can spend all my days on here with no results! DO SOMETHING< ANYTHING DO SOMETHING. HOUSE IS ON FIRE< YER JUST GONNA SIT THERE AND BURN, COME ON YOU GOT IN TOUCH WITH ME I AINT LEAVING TILL YOU HELP YOURSELF! DO I NEED TO CALL THE SHOW "INTERVENTION" I WILL DO ANYTHING TO SAVE YOU CAUSE UI HATE YOU THAT MUCH< BITCH< DONT MAKE ME EMBARRASS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ON YOUR BIKE AND RIDE US TO REHAB OR YOUR GONNA REGRET GETTIN IN TOUCH WITH ME! IM a rocket you just a lousy lame LUSH, fucker submit to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bi calif, male seeks well to do Bi couple - m4mw - 45

I'm sending this to that one hansom couple between 40 and 65 who would like
to send me the air fare to come stay with them for as long as you want to us
me for all adult fun i'm clean a gentle men and wont flake on you after i arrive
so lets talk and see if we can come to a agreement, i hope your new friend
RANDY B

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Unwashed, Sweaty Latino or Black Men

100 bucks for 15-20 minutes of your time. Rub your smelly asshole all over my mouth and tongue, make me lick it clean, then when you can't take any more of that, fuck my face and dump a wad all over it, or down my throat. Leave with empty balls and a nice gift.

I am an older guy (50's). Be sure you are OK with that.

Keywords generous donation

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

TV for jewish bi girl - 31

Well um, let me explain my slang. TV is not a television set in this case (though I'm sure I could find you a cheap one). It stands for a transvestite... one of those nutty guys who likes to dress as a woman.

I'm only slightly nutty though. Well, I think. I'm eminently sane on a lot of other stuff. Well, so, I think. Maybe it's a matter of perspective. I'm not bralala, and I definitely don't want to be associated with her brand of nuttiness.

I like bi girls and lesbians, and I'd like to hear from one who would like to date a witty, pretty, interesting TV. Extra points if your jewish. (I am, and it means a lot to me) You can be butch or femme or in between. You can be straight, bi, lesbian or just... you know, open minded.

Just remember that I'm real, and I'm looking for real people. Let's meet, get coffee, and see if we can move on to stage two. No shame in not being able to, but let's give it a try.

Take care.

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Stroke - m4m - 27

Looking for a guy that wants to give me a hj. I'm attractive, hung, and need this thing absolutely discreet. One time, several times, who know, but it's only during lunch for about 20-30 minutes. I might reciprocate.

Age doesn't matter. Be clean. Drug free. Attractive. Under 5'8. No more than 200#'s. I'm married so don't expect anything special.

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A good woman - 46

Looking for a good woman to communicate with and make some $$$$$ Prefer a Japanesse or Asian gal. Must have an interest in Tropical Birds.... Let's talk.... My web site is www.[redacted].com give you an idea on what's up. Have a nice Hawaiiian Day!!!! Aloha!!!!! :)

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Solome? - m4w - 35

Solome:
Was it my imagination, or were you checking me out while you were writing in torture yesterday?
Green Shirt

[Why is this funny? Click through for extended entry.]

See, 'Salome' is a play about a chick who trades a strip-teasing lap-dance for the head of John the Baptist. We're told it's biblical.

The green-shirted, self-esteem-huffing middle-aged man who posted this ad thinks that, during her climactic dance, the actress playing the titular (heh) Salome would drop character, break the fourth wall, and cruise the audience. For him.

We saw this play. The actress playing Salome had plenty of bigger things to worry about than a middle-aged Lothario trying to snap an up-skirt on his Sidekick for his Myspace page. Specifically, that if she stood still for even a moment, co-star Al Pacino might mistake her for a piece of scenery, which could lead to a severe mastication injujry.

Thass why it's funny.

-W.Mick

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

ATTN: AMATEUR HOUR AT JONES ON FRIDAY NIGHT - m4w

To the three girls who asked me if I was gay. You know someone isn't gay because they are not hitting on you at the bar. You weren't interesting enough to make an effort. I don't talk to amateurs at the bar. You looked like out of town tourists. You even said you were on vacation.

So please stop going to Jones. I am really starting to get tired of all the amateurs that are starting to come to JOnes. Please stop coming. You are ruining a good place.

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Pooch seeks loving couple - 35

Picture attached of a well-groomed, well-trained, healthy and above all, loyal pooch looking for loving couple to adopt him. He is so full of life and love that there really is enough for two. You must be willing to share your bed because he loves to be nestled between, and keep warm, the two people for whom he cares and who care for him.

At five years old (35 in human years) he weighs in at 180lb and is a 6’1 tall. He has beautiful green and brown eyes, white teeth, and a healthy amount of fur (though thinning in some spots), which is kept short. He is always happy, has a good demeanor and has a child-like curiosity about the world around him.

Said pooch’s needs are very simple. Scratching his head or rubbing his tummy will make him settle down and generally turn him into puddy in your hands. He will be quite content to lie in your arms, or vice-versa, for hours on end. He will usually eat what is put in front of him without a fuss and is good at cleaning his plate. He rarely barks or bites, even when provoked.

His one major need is that he must be let out before the crack of dawn for his morning exercise. He will also freak out around drugs and excessive amounts of alcohol so please do not use them in his presence. Smoking also irritates his keen senses.

This pooch will likely run away if subjected to pain, emotional abuse, physical abuse or humiliation. Furthermore, he is not interested in being a show dog, or in being hidden in the basement. You and your partner should be affectionate, full of love for each other and willing to share that love. If you meet these criteria then he will be loyal for life.

If you want to adopt this very extraordinary pooch then you should write back with a picture and a description of why you think you are special enough for his love.

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

666 man seeking a girl to fuck hard - m4w

i love the evil things in life ... also my bare hammer will creampie fuck and pussy available for a snobbish devil man ... mature and strong and masculine ... hurry up the hammer is already hard for you ... quick fucks or slow fucks okay with me.
Peace
666

Found by Weird Mick at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bunch of unsuccessful nights. I won. Let my straight friend suck U - 27

This is going on for months now. I am really looking to find the dick for him now. I am posting this ad for a few times now whenever the time would be nice to finally realize the outcome of this bet... The other night I found a guy who let my friend suck him off in the dark, but he was not able to carry the cum home to me, so based on our agreement, he has to suck off another guy for me in the dark anonymously and carry his cum home or I will fuck his ass.
A few days later I tried setting up another suck off again, but I fell asleep and all the guys sent me e-mails way into the morning so I did not send my friend over anymore... I am looking to make him fulfill his obligations... I am looking for a good oral top to make him suck and cum in his mouth.
Do you want to help him and let him suck you in the dark and cum in his mouth? He is good looking, slim and obedient.
And then the other night he went over to a guy's place and when he walked in the guy turned on the lights and actually he was 25 years older than his picture that he sent to us and he was a fucking liar... So he ran out and never returned. Series of unfortunate events. He is still obligated to suck off someone I choose and carry the cum home to me.
Can someone help to finally make it happen. He does not have a pic and wants anonymous which I allowed. Only reply if you are into that.
So here is the original ad:

I won a bet today. My straight friend lost. He has to do what I wanted.
I would have to suck his dick if If I were the loser and suck anyone else he choses for me... But he lost... He already finished sucking me off. Now I want to find a random guy for him to suck off. There are absolutely NO restrictions, just be disease free and clean please. I don't want him to catch anything because of this...
And since he is straight, I allowed him to do the second sucking anonymously. So if you want to host him in your totally dark place, let him in, unbutton your pants and make him suck your cock, just send me a pic and I will send him to you.
Please be Quick. I can only choose one guy for him. That is the deal.
Be in the dark, cum in his mouth.
He will have to come home with the cum in his mouth and deliver it to me...
He already swallowed mine...
So who is willing to sacrifice himself for this double dare bet?
Absolutely no ligths what he requires... Cock size, body size, age is not important, just be healthy and shower fresh. I can send him out as soon as I get the first letter from the first really serious ANONYMOUS applicant. Quick.
Send your pic and location.

So if you are interested in feeding your cum to my friend who lost the bet and already swallowed my cum a few das ago, don't hesitate and write an e-mail for me... I don't want him to fall asleep. I want him to do whatever we agreed on... So give me an e-mail if interested in helping him out with some cum in his mouth.
Only really discreet should apply who does not mind the dark room, anonymous walk in situation. He is entitled for that.

* this is in or around Reseda and area

Found by Eric at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Gandalf seeks Persian princess - m4w

I believe I have just completed King's Gambit, which would make it your move.

Found by Weird Mick at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Piss, don't Miss! - 27

Hey guys, good day for you and hopefully it will be a good day for me too.
When I posted this ad yesterday night, the guy flaked out on me, so I have not tried this fantasy ever. Will you be the one that does it with me?
Good looking, white, attached, perverse guy here, looking for the same, who is discreet as hell, but wants to perv out from time to time with a cool buddy bottom.
I want to try something that I am not even sure I will like. But I would really like to try with a cool, adventurous, and private guy.
I want to get naked with you at your place, go in your shower (if big enough for it) or in the bathtub, get on all fours and get my ass up in the air.
You would get behind me and piss on my ass, aiming at the hole, trying not to miss it. (Drink a lot of fluid, when we agree to meet so by the time I arrive you will have a lot of piss) Then when you finished, you could get yourself hard, put a condom on and fuck till you cum. Then let me take a shower (maybe with you) and leave.
TOTALLY discreet guy needed for this excercise, and we could do it regularly if both into it.
I will not answer e-mails without pics. FACE pic is a must.

Found by Eric at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Dominant Cop seeks submissive - 44

I am a successful professional Law Enforcement Officer. Not your typical copper, I have a great sense of humor! I enjoy fast cars, cold beer, and a fine Bourbon! My musical tastes range from Beethoven to Moby - Judy Garland to Pink Floyd. I hated the movie Titanic, and I loved Pulp Fiction! I love working out and street racing (don’t tell! Cops aren't supposed to like that!!) haha.

I am discreet in my lifestyle, and expect you to be as well. I am a Dominant Male by birth, and have been so my entire life. I believe Masters can be trained, but Dominance is something you are born with. I subscribe to the concept of "Safe, Sane and Consensual" in all things, and you will be at all times safe in my care. I am moderate in giving pain (but a good spanking never hurt anyone!) but I don’t enjoy blood, or anything "excessive". I realize that I am only empowered with that which you are willing to surrender ... and as trust grows, so does our mutual pleasure.

I have eclectic desires in what I seek. I find a woman’s personality defines her sexuality far more than the size of her ass! I am attracted to the exotic female, be it in color or personality. Society has conditioned women to feel inadequate about their bodies and their femininity. You must abandon these shackles, and let me bring out your true beauty and strength. The only shackles for you are the ones I place upon your wrists! Lol. Lets leave the mundane behind ... I seek that which other men fear!

You must be clean, confident and considerate. Bi-sexuality or curiosity is a plus, as I enjoy teasing that side of your personality, but it's not a must. Sexually speaking, you must be open to my wild and sometimes unpredictable desires, secure in the knowledge that I would never put you in harms way. You must be drug-free (cocktails not withstanding!) this is an absolute.

I am open to training someone who is just stepping across the threshold of surrender as well as providing a highly structured forum for someone who is already accustomed to this life style.

If you don’t already understand the D/s lifestyle, it is built upon a foundation of trust. You can not surrender control to someone you don’t trust. I am a patient and understanding soul who knows that trust is not often an instantaneous instinct.

If this has piqued your curiosity, don’t hesitate to engage me in some conversation. Trust is earned and the only way to earn it is through conversation.

Found by Weird Mick at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The Doctor is IN!!!!

I am a highly trained and experienced DMHS (Doctor of Male Homosexual Satisfaction) and I have a private medical-play clinic in Van Nuys, specializing in: cum depletion/extraction; prostate pressure therapy; penis engorgement and all forms of male/male sexual response enhancement. All appointments begin with a thorough physical examination followed by state-of-the-art medical-play treatments which may include, but are not limited to: electrotherapy; enema; nipple manipulation; restraint/discipline; urethral sounding; and/or oral/anal penile penetration.

To schedule an appointment, email a current picture and/or accurate physical statistics and describe the symptoms you are currently experiencing. Overnight stays are available for severe hyper-testosteronism and serious discipline.

I am also very attractive, fit, and clean; pictures are available. HIV or STD need to be treated prior to an appointment with me. This a real opportunity for medical-play; I will only respond to serious inquiries.

Found by Eric at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A Scientific Study -- IMPORTANT STUFF! - 27

Hi, yes, we are a two scientists doing a very extensive and crucial study for The University of Poonany. (It's down in the OC, you may not have heard of it.) We are hard at work, pondering the principals of poonanyhood, the affects of sexual liberation upon Southern California. We have set up a laboratory right here in our own apartment, which creates a relaxed working environment. You see, we're looking for specimens of the attractive variety to partake in studies that will help save the universe. The world is being destroyed by Republicans and Wal-Mart. But fear not, The University of Poonany will save our souls. We believe while taking notes on the following experiements, a formula can be uh, formulated, and all the evil people in the world will stop being mean and realize the joys of sexy time. Anyway, some of our experiments are as follows:

Study #1 -- "The Affects Of Two Sets Of Hands And Mouths On The Female Form." There might be a mirror set up so no data is missed.

Study #2 -- "Sounds Generated" Now this is a broad topic, must have a pad and pencil ready at all times. Was that, "GIVE ME YOUR COCK WHILE I LICK HER CLIT!" Or did you say, "NICE SOCKS I LOVE TO KNIT!" ?

Study #3 -- "Watch You Watching Us" Perhaps this is your first experiment and you aren't quite ready to be so 'hands on.' If you are fellow sexy scientists, we could team up and study each other! Hey, can you move to the left so we can see better?

Contact us for an evaluation :) Oh, we're cute too!

Found by Weird Mick at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)