Weird Ads

Knock Knock, Who's There? Cock! Cock Who?

Cock For You!

Maybe some ass too!

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Fetish, Exhibition, Humiliation toy for rent! - 29

For a token fee, I can do whatever you wish me to do in front of you, sir or sirs, or fulfill particular fetishes you might have, with enthusiasm. Such ideas might include things like:

Ordering me to humiliate myself in various ways;
Having me crawl around naked like a degraded animal;
My taking and releasing an enema in front of you;
Rolling and playing in my own filth;
My being your spanking-slave;
Undressing and being house-servant for you and/or your friends/your party;
Being your house-pet.
Being a party servant.
Whatever naughty performances you order me to put on.
Endless possibilities...

However, I am not interested in having sex, and will not, as I am not a prostitute. I'm simply a toy for your entertainment and amusement. I am a 5'6" Ivy-educated straight boy with an advanced degree and butt that seeks degradation, and this is my hobby.

Drop me a note and let me know how I might best serve. Some sense of availability times or when in the week you'd like me to come degrade myself in front of you would be great, too.

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- - wheelchair ? - -

white guy seeks white guy in a wheelchair for fun / friendship

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Now in the mood to suck cock in panties mini skirt high heel - 34

Now in the mood to suck cock in mini skirt high heel and panties,Home alone here lookin to suck in panties high heel mini skirt now Do like human do no drama games serious only .

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Frolic in your Dirty Laundry - 28 (Greenwich Village)

Let me stop by and go through your dirty laundry, sniffing things and trying them on. I love the dirties of a hot, masculine man, and maybe you'll enjoy watching me get off on your stuff...

VGL athletic and fit gwm, 5'11, 165

Pic for pic in first email

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Linen 'n Things Stud - m4m - 35

You set me on fire, like a 2004 recalled Dell Notebook battery on a busy day. My tongue wants to be all over you, like freakin' Windex on my car window after the cat's been pawing it all night.

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Who wants to shop at COSTCO? - 45

The ultimate no pressure date: COSTCO! I have a membership and need to find someone to split some of those ridiculously large packages of things. We buy the variety pack of Snapple, you get the cranberry-rasberry. 24 pack of paper towels - covers both of us for a month. We like each other, we shop again. Maybe we can go to Home Depot for our second date.We like each other a lot we do some other fun thing. I like the COSTCO in Marina Del Ray. There's a Starbucks there, which is perfect for that non-confrontational meeting in a public place that we both need. I've tried answering some ads here and it seems like it was a complete waste of time. I think my approach is far more practical than the typical photo exchange and list of requirements people seem to favor. I promise only one thing: you will enjoy shopping with me. Feel free to tell a little something about yourself and to ask questions of me. But it isn't required. All you need for this to work is some empty space in your refrigerator and kitchen cabinets. Can discount shopping lead to a relationship? I don't know, but at this point I'll try it and get my shopping done either way.

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Friday, 8/11/06 Funeral, Encino,Looking for 34 year old Diann(a) - m4w - m4w - 34

Funeral service Friday night 8/11/06, in Encino..Our Lady of Grace Church...we talked for a moment about us being in a wedding together when we were really little kids...you AMAZED me!! Would love to talk to you, and know that I could probably get in touch with you through your aunt...but that would probably be kind of wierd....if this is you, dont tell your aunt or uncle who live in Canyon Country/Santa Clarita..

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Scarf me while fucking me until I cum. - 23

Type in "erotic asphyxiation" into a google search to find out what scarfing is.

I'm Latin, 23, 5'9, 140 lbs, 7.5 uncut.

I'm looking for a thin or even very skinny guy around my age (I'm 23) to penetrate me anally (with a condom on, of course) while scarfing me with his hands until I cum. I'll be jerking off while you're inside me and I stay rock-hard when I'm being penetrated. I do this autoerotic thing on my own with a rope but I really want to do it while being penetrated because the orgasm is even more intense. I prefer someone who has some experience with scarfing.

Please be under 28. I'm open to all races as long as you are physically extremely clean and very thin.

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SCAT TOP FEEDER - 41

Not ver, am a feeder ONLY...suck my meaty thick cock with your dirty mouth too. no smearing, able to host. must have pic and be discreet

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Can't kill your roomate! I'm a lawyer & have a legal solution!

Your roomate is getting on your nerves.

you need a place to sleep sometimes -- where you aren't at war.
Don't you want somewhere to make love, not war?

Even better, someone who will hold you at night.
Someone to sleep over with-as we get to know each other better-
not raunchy- just sleeping together as friendly lovers!

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Only If You Are Serious About Meeting & Starting A LTR Then Read On!!!

Hello! I hope all is well with you today and thanks for taking the time to read my ad! I have really spent a lot of time on this and thought this out to let you know exactly who I am and whom I would like to meet and to be honest I am not really sure that this might be the best place because after weeding through the W4M ads leaves me wondering if the chance of romance still exist? A few things to know about me first I am 38, 6 foot 1, 180lbs, in shape enough to see my toes when I look down, single, no kids, employed, not on any Non & Prescription drugs, I live alone, I am a very honest and decent man. Now the attributes that I have been told that I am and I know that I am, sincere, very caring, kind, friendly, romantic, passionate, smart, intelligent & intellectual, funny, witty, handsome and warm which are all true but this is also whom I am, someone who will open doors for you, hold your hand, very affectionate without being smothering, someone who can converse about anything, from the thoughtful to the thoughtless. I am a man who knows who he is and what it is that he wants. I carry my own weight. I despise liars and cheaters, very easy to get along with, I like to enjoy life to the fullest, I am social, I do have class and I am cultured, I have a big heart and I do believe in always being truthful & honest, I am someone that would do everything to bring his special woman joy and happiness and cater for her needs because a nice lady deserves to be treat well and she does deserve the best from her man, I'm somewhat traditional and chivalrous with a modern touch, I have been known to be reserved and quiet in the proper situations and I can be aggressive in others. I work a lot but always do my best to make time for that special woman, I am stylish, and have a graceful manner, a good appearance and polite, a gentleman. I searching for something real and meaningful, I'm not someone that dates just to date. So if like sexy eyes with long eyelashes and a nice smile that will melt your heart when I look at you then I just be the man for you. Fall is one of my favorite times of year, the weather is cooler, people start dressing a little nicer, it just seems so much more romantic at this time of year than any other and I would love to be able to enjoy it with someone great and there is so much to do such as taking a walk with coffee in hand with someone great in the park on a crisp fall morning is really something to live for, I would love to experience as much of the world as possible with that one special woman and to be very honest at times I make myself crazy because I know that I am missing that special person in my life that makes life special. Yes I have faults like everyone else but I don’t think that they are any worse then anyone one else’s, I can assure you that I don’t have any of the issues like most of the other men on this site, Yes I do enjoy sex and if anyone says they don’t then they are truly doing something wrong but I am not interested in what I have seen on this site, I'm not looking for random play or a hookup- that's for cheap people and people that do not respect themselves and to be very honest I think that it's very unfulfilling but if you are looking for love & respect and think that give and take are part of a relationship, then you're thinking along the same lines as me. If you're looking for a strong gentleman that is usually smiling, fun loving and emotionally available and wants to have a meaningful long-lasting relationship, someone that can talk about anything and everything. Someone that can stimulate and be stimulated. Someone that will show you appreciation for all the time that you get yourself all dolled up for me or just calls to just say hi, in other words an all around person who is not full of themselves and is happy from within. I hate drama. I don’t play head games and I certainly don’t want anyone to play them with me. I value my family and my friends and I try to never sweat the small stuff and I always keep a positive attitude. But enough about me and I hate talking about myself but I think that I do have to sell myself on here somewhat but the woman that I would like to meet would be kind of the girl-next-door type with eyes that sparkle, someone who is up for the late night spontaneous walk around the city or a lazy Sunday afternoon in the park, that rare beauty, the woman that can be elegant/sexy in that black dress and irresistibly cute in blue jeans & a t- shirt at other times, or totally unbelievable in sweats laying on my couch. You should appreciate the little things in life and enjoy the finer ones as well. I will not make a list of demands of height, weight hair color or race because I truly believe that if you limit yourself to whom you meet then you limit yourself to opening your mind and experiencing something new but I do ask that you send a photo, its not a deal breaker but it helps. We all know there has to be some attraction there in order to begin with, for me the attraction is not 100% the photo but in how you answer my posting. I prefer intelligence and the way a person writes is a big sign of it, so take a chance send me you pic and a reply. I know that meeting beautiful women is not so difficult, however it is not everyday that a man crosses paths with someone that to me has the whole package. I appreciate someone who knows how to laugh at themselves and can make me laugh and is available emotionally, thanks for taking the time to read such a long ad and I hope that you are having a great weekend so far and who knows I will be online for a while maybe if your there we can have dinner tonight.

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Is it only FAT DUMB chicks who read these ads? - 27

I issue the same challenge daily and receive only the most mediocre (at best) responses. More often than not, the responses are from fat chicks who don't actually think they are fat (sorry, a size 16 is fat), but occasionally I get a dumb girl who is convinced she is smart (I went to an Ivy League school, so what if I can't spell and care more about what you'll buy me than what you have to say!).

Once again - if you are NOT FAT and you are SMART, write me. I will buy you a drink.

That is all. Now get on it.

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WILL TREAT BFs or 2 BUDS TO DINNER - 40

Masculine professional guy wants to cater to Bfs or 2 or more buds. You pick the place. Service you afterwards at my place. Send pics and stats for response.

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I think my hymen has grown back... - 32

Goddammit, this is war.

I'd like to present the fact that my hymen has grown back. That's quite an accomplishment considering I'm lacking the appropriate plumbing. Not only has my mythical hymen grown back, I'm fairly certain the fucker has brought reinforcements and the whole lot of them are conspiring against my return to the dating world by heightening my libido to that of a teenage boy consequently turning any interaction involving an attractive young woman into a three ring circus. Christ, I get a woody when a rogue draft finds its way up my pantleg. I get a hardon anytime I hear someone mention "stiff breeze." To add insult to injury, my best friend finds this endlessly hysterical. That's ok, because sexual kharma is a bitch and I figure after this dry spell she owes me a favor or ten. Yeah, that's right, she knows where you live and is coming to visit. So laugh it up.

Carve this date into your memory - Dec 22, 2004 @ 2:30PM CST. That's the last time I had sex. That's approximately 605 days, 7 hours, 12 minutes and 28 seconds since I've been privy to a woman's privates. Jesus, I'm going insane.

If you think I'm some unnattractive schlep, an arrogant prick, player, or just plain creepy you'd be dead wrong. Way dead wrong. Really, I'm a nice guy and I'm really a gentleman when it comes to dating which is the reason I'm still fucking single. Not that I'm bitter. You may also be under the misconception that I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to things in the boudoir. Again, wrongamundo. I'll bet elbows to asses that I've been there, done that, written the book, done the talk show, and sold the screenplay twice and have the video, chaffing and bruises to prove it. Look, I'm not trying to be crude but I want some action. That's "tie my hands behind my back and lick your initials into my neck" fucking.

You wanna know the kicker? Oh yeah, this is awesome. This is self imposed. Yeah, that's right. I said it; s-e-l-f-i-m-p-o-s-e-d. Why? Because I refuse to have sex outside of a relationship. Let me be blunt for a second - if you think I'm making any of this up just to get laid - fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Better yet, send the horse my way and shut the barn door because Mr Ed is about to become a man, er, horse.

I don't get it, I really don't get it. Really, I don't get it - I'm pretty sure if I did I'd be a lost less bitchy. I've met a couple of great girls, had some fun, even spent the night at one's house but again, perfect gentleman. My roommate asked where I was and then smiled and asked if I got any.

No, I didn't.
Did you get to third base?
No.
Second?
No.
What did you do?
We spooned.
You spooned?
Yeah, over the blankets.
Duuuuuuuuude.
Yeah, fuck you.

I think I'm gonna cry. Great, now I'm single, horny, AND emotionally unbalanced. I need more coffee.

Fuck this, I'm hopping the fence and trying out the gay scene for a while...

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

* INDULGE YOUR FANTASIES AT THE DOCTOR'S. NOW ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS~ (Upper West Side)

YOUR BODY SHAKES & SHUDDERS ~ YOUR BACK ARCHES ~ YOUR TOES CURL.
Has it been too long since you've experienced divine pleasure like this?
Is it because you work too much? Are in-between relationships?
Unappreciated by a selfish partner? Whatever your situation, the Doctor understands.

EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE TOUCHED in a way that feels good. Another's warm touch is a basic human need. Through role-play therapy, the Doctor will help you embrace your desires and accept them for the natural, healthy, primal urges that they are.

DURING YOUR SESSION the Doctor -- who will be dressed in a white lab coat, crisp shirt and tie -- will begin by asking you a series of personal questions regarding your experiences and perspectives on a variety of intimate behaviours. Do you have trouble reaching climax? Do you strive for more intense orgasms? Multiple ones? Do you often experience throbbing, aching and wetness down below - for no apparent reason?

AS YOU BECOME MORE COMFORTABLE, you may be surprised to hear yourself openly talking about personal intimacies in ways you’ve never uttered to anyone. Ever. Before long the Doctor will have formulated the appropriate therapy for your particular case. He will discuss your options and recommend a course of treatment.

EXAMINATION & TREATMENT.
Putting a stethoscope to your chest, the Doctor will listen to the pace of your heart. Can you feel it quickening? He will then hand you a velour robe and ask you to disrobe in the changing room. And you do, because he's the Doctor and it's important to follow doctor's orders. Upon your return, the Doctor will lay you down on the examining table and begin to look at, feel and probe in places normally kept deeply veiled from view. He will examine your breasts, tweak your nipples, and test their responsiveness. He will gently massage your labia and clitoris with a warm lubricant to observe how they respond to stimuli. Will your vulva swell? Change color? Get moist? Will your nipples grow erect? Will you orgasm? All will be made note of.

FULLY EQUIPPED FOR YOUR PLEASURE.
Donning white latex gloves, the doctor will continue his exploration, probing your anal region to evaluate your level of sensitivity, comfort or alarm. The Doctor is equipped with a variety of sterilized, battery-powered vibrational instruments and may deploy them as he sees fit. Other treatments may include having you masturbate in front of the Doctor so he can observe your orgasming techniques. Or receiving an application of his high-protein moisturizing crème to your body and skin. Additional therapies such as a luxurious full-body massage will be performed as per each patient's needs and requests. In the event you can’t hold still during your exam, it may become necessary to mildly restrain you with the Doctor’s silk necktie. This is for your own good.

THE PRACTICE.
The Doctor provides this unique service as a way for women to explore their sexuality in a safe, sane and completely consensual environment. He finds it gratifying to be able to share his gift of touch. The Doctor operates out of a comfortable and tastefully-appointed home-office in the heart of the upper west side. In his "waiting room" you will find recent editions of People Magazine, Vogue, The Wall St. Journal, and U.S. News & World Report. During your session, lights will be dimmed and incense and aromatic candles burning. "Easy Listening" will be playing as in accordance with law. (For more about the Doctor’s practice, read the NY OBSERVER FEATURE STORY at: HerPrivatePleasures.com)

YOUR FIRST VISIT.
Upon first entering the doctor’s office, you will feel nervous. How nervous? Very nervous. Almost all first-time patients are. But at the same time you will feel alive with a sense of anticipation and forbidden excitement that has been absent from your life for far too long. Butterflies are completely understandable. And as such, the Doctor’s medicine chest is stocked with fine wine and drink should you care to indulge. While the Doctor rarely smokes, feel free to do so if you do.

SAFETY, CONFIDENTIALITY & ANONYMITY.
Please note that the Doctor will refuse any patient averse to using protection for certain acts that may pose a health risk. The Doctor is also adamant about patient privacy. Rest assured that whatever happens here stays here.

NAME YOUR KINK.
Is there's something that turns you on or that you've been curious to try? Now's your opportunity to discuss and/or try it. The Doctor is open-minded and resolutely nonjudgmental. He understands that people enjoy a wide spectrum of pleasures and kinks -- and is willing to accommodate you within reason. So speak up. Your privacy is assured. In fact, the Doctor prefers to not even know your real name.

ABOUT THE DOCTOR.
The Doctor is a boyish-looking 41-year-old single, white, educated professional. By day he is an entertainment industry executive. He is 5' 9", cute, clean, fit, respectful, Jewish and a gentleman. He possesses a wry sense of humor and a vivid and creative imagination. The Doctor is selective about the patients he accepts, with preference given to those who are height/weight proportional. And while he rarely has time for house calls, exceptions can be made in certain emergency situations.

CREDENTIALS.
The Doctor received his medical training by watching hours and hours of General Hospital, ER, Marcus Welby MD, and porn. Since opening his practice in 2004, he has treated numerous “patients” many of whom have become repeat clients. The Doctor orchestrates this role-playing therapy because, quite simply, life is short and this is fun. If you agree and are ready to turn a fantasy into a reality, feel free to inquire about an appointment.

FEMALE NURSE ASSISTANT.
If you would feel more comfortable (or turned on) with a female nurse assistant present during your exam, this can be arranged. Or -- if you'd like to assist the Doctor during his exams of other women, send in your application, as this can be arranged as well.

FEES
While some patients have insisted that the Doctor accept a small gratuity for his fine service, this is not his policy. Although a nice bottle of wine to share will not be refused. Reciprocation? Again, not required. But sure, the Doctor enjoys being touched, too. And an inspired Doctor usually makes for a more inspired examination.

REACHING THE END OF YOUR JOURNEY.
When your one- to two-hour exam regrettably ends, you will be radiating a mischievous glow. Because tonight you’ve been a naughty, naughty girl. And you liked it. You will feel content, fulfilled, exhilarated, and wonder why you waited soooo long to finally surrender to your inner callings. You've read this far and you’re probably thinking “What the fuck! This is so freaky!" Yet, you're strangely intrigued. You’re wondering, “Is this for real?” The Doctor can assure you – it is. And now it’s up to you to...

REQUEST AN APPOINTMENT.
If you are an independent, free-spirited woman not bound by convention, and would like to see the Doctor, send an email with a brief description of yourself, height/weight/age, and the reason you are requesting a visit. Include your photo(s). The Doctor will reply in kind with his. Before granting appointments, a brief phone screening conversation is required. The Doctor is ready to see you now. Are you ready to see the Doctor? (Last-minute requests welcome. No weirdos. Women only, please).

To read an NY OBSERVER feature story about the Doctor, visit: HerPrivatePleasures.com

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last Hopeless romatic Knight of the chubby kind...well not the last - 34

I am a true hopelessromatic male with a kinky side. I love sex but, once in a relationship i am dedicated to the end. Is there any females out there that handle a chubby nymphomaniac guy who loves sex. I guarantee you ladies won't be complaining to your girlfriends that you don't get enough sex.

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS.... - 32

32m...hot..ER Doc..looking to hookup with female flight attendants on layover in NY...very close to Lga/JFK...
if you're bored...lonely...horny...have time to kill...let me know..
clean..discreet...and absolutely safe...has hospital ID to prove..
will meet for coffee/drinks first and take it from there...
try me...

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

extremely S H O R T or dwarf

GWM looking for very short (or dwarf) white male

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K- Nine - 47 (Midtown West)

hot musc/masc man. I get into hot encounters with men and their m/f Kay Nine. I will treat you both right, very discrete have experience. Pics available
I was asked if I would suck a Kay nine and the answer is yes I would. Thanks, Wm

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I KNOW. IT’S NUTTY - BUT I LIKE IT...

So take a chance. Be a little nutty too. Nobody will ever know. I’m good at keeping a secret.

And what makes me so nutty? I’m crazy about cunnilingus. I like doing it so much that I am happy and satisfied with just that. And all you want. You do not have to give anything in return. Nothing at all. No intercourse, no fellatio, no anal. Your ecstasy will be my reward.

Just be a nice person, mature, married, white, and not overweight.

I’m a senior guy, married, white, tall, slim, clean-shaven, neat, healthy, well dressed. A lover of the arts, books, ideas, gentle and very discreet.

We should also be friends for lunches, dinners, companionship, conversation.

Give it a try. I’m really a nice person. Very presentable and perfectly normal except for my above mentioned eccentricity.

I work and live in Manhattan. Can meet you during the week - daytime or early evening.

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The sexiest ad ever posted in the history of Craigslist !!! ... today

So today someone showed me another post that copied this story I wrote... such is CL... anarchistic but interesting... Here are some sexy thoughts I've had recently about making a girl I find very sexy, feel very good... as in giving her multiple O's... something I enjoy doing for a girl I desire enough... as in a lot! ------- From the moment I saw you, I felt a curious desire sparked by the smiling beauty of your eyes, your lips, your sweet voice and the sexiness of your being. Not to mention your figure is so perfectly proportioned combined with loveliest toned complexion, all of which combine and make my mind pause to appreciate your pure beauty. Your personality, so fun with an open minded wild side, yet classy and reserved. Hearing your flirtatious words let me know just how much fun things could be with you. You make my mind fantasize about how I would make you feel good.

Just looking at you, I begin to imagine how amazingly soft your flesh would feel having the pleasure of it against mine, to touch, to hold, feeling warm silky sensations, from just a hug. I need it, to hug, a pure pleasure to experience, yet I know I want more. All this happens so quickly, inhaling your scent, you smell so delicious, breathing you in from around your neck, your hairline. From just a hug with a squeeze, I know how delectable you will be. Inhaling again, deeply, while feeling your body to mine, sensing how perfectly we fit, inspiring my hands to begin massaging your shoulders, your neck, down your back, along your spine, and then back up to your shoulders, finding out where you want it most, working out any tensions you may have.

I can feel my blood flowing and pumping up my muscles from the chemistry you give my insides combined with the energy of hugging, squeezing and massaging you. My face is still close to the nape of your neck, inhaling your chemistry while I lightly exhale hot breaths on your neck and down your back. I pull you towards me harder, inhaling each others scents, we squeeze and hold on with a confidence of mutual chemistry, knowing how nice we make each other feel from just this hug.

The sounds you give off from massaging you has given me the confidence to keep going, while blowing warm sighs down your neck, I feel that hunger and kiss so gently on your shoulder and upwards towards your ear. Lightly blowing warm air, with light pecks, that progress into kisses on your ear, down your neck back to your shoulder. Our bodies pull into each other tighter, holding, squeezing, while my kisses move down the side of your face, up to your forhead and down the other side giving the other side of your neck the same treatment. Kissing back to your face, this time brushing my lips against your, we both feel the hunger. I kiss your cheeks, your chin, your nose, and kiss the outsides of your lips, moving in closer until finally our lips match up perfectly and we know how right this is. We kiss and suck our lips, our tongues, without stopping, breathing each others air directly from our lungs, back and forth, filling our lungs with each other.

You love my touch, so sensual, yet so firm. It's time for you to be pampered, to relax, you need to get off, your feet. Time for some serious massage. We sit on soft pillows, your back facing me. I pull you close and give you a hug from behind inhaling your now even sexier scents around your neck and shoulder. I slowly begin to kneed the muscles around your neck, out to your shoulders. Then down your back, using my fingers to pinpoint the knots and work out your tensions. I massage down your spine, working the muscles outward, until I reach your waist where my fingers slide around to rest on your sexy belly. You're a bit ticklish, as I softly rub your oh so sexy tummy. I love how energized I feel next to you, a constant natural high. We move closer, squeezing, inhaling our scents, cheeks touch, we pause, feeling our chemistry build. Our mouths move in closer, we lick our lips in preparation, they meet again briefly, crushing delicately, sucking lightly. I pull back, feeling my cheek against yours, lightly kissing your face and your neck. We smile and continue kissing and sucking our lips with more vigor, nothing can stop us now. I love knowing I will give you that deepest of release, a blissful natural high, those feelings that make you so relaxed, so happy.

I kiss around your ears, down your neck, around to your shoulders, softly sucking on your flesh while I kiss. I kiss my way back to your face, to your lips, this time sucking your tongue. I kiss down your chin, down your neck, down your chest as we take your top off. I love how your bra pushes up your sexy soft full cleavage. I have to kiss it, pushing my face between. I begin licking, then sucking your soft delicious flesh out from your bra. My mouth sucks all of your breast free, reaching your hardened nipple. I devour your entire breast, nipple, areola, as much flesh as my mouth can consume. I suck and pull my head away until just the tip of your nipple is left in my mouth. I wont let go. I nibble gently until I sense you need more. I suck and bite lightly making you squirm and moan softly. I kiss and suck my way over to your other breast, and in the same way suck her right out of your bra, keeping her nipple in my mouth even longer, while my hand works your other breast, squeezing, using my fingers to play and pinch her nipple. You grab my hair and get your fingers in deep, securing your hold and begin directing my kisses downwards, towards your sexy belly, around and around. I'm drawn down towards your center.

I sense your temperature rising as we slip off your jeans. I kiss lower slowly, down around your hips and down your legs. I love how soft your inner thighs feel on my face and lips, as I kiss and suck lightly. I kiss up one inner thigh, moving in so close to your center, but suddenly kiss upwards and onto your belly, then back down your other inner thigh. I kiss all over except the center, yet moving in closer with each moment. You grab my hair tighter now, trying to guide me head in its proper place, but I playfully resist. I'm kissing so close, right up to the inner edges of your moistening panties. My hands reach up to play with your nipples. You remove your bra, so I can feel your sexy flesh, and play with your nipples between my fingers, pinching gently for now. My hands massage your breasts as you grab my head and push it in place, to its home, your center. Your panties are so wet at this point, I get to savor you right through the fabric. I suck your flesh through the fabric until my tongue sneaks behind to experience your hot wet flesh and taste more. Kneeling before you, worshipping your beauty, I help you lean back in position, as I pull your panties aside with my teeth. I can now fully view your beautiful delicious sexiness, primed for pleasure.

You lean back further, your panties slip right off as I straighten out your legs before me. Staring into your eyes, I slowly spread your legs apart as wide as they go, giving your muscles a light stretch. Her sexy lips now glistening, swelling with anticipation, now slightly separated, give me a glimpse inside you. My mouth salivates, my tongue squirms imagining how deep I get to explore you. I move in closer, lustfully hypnotized, thinking about sucking on your sexy lips and my tongue deep inside. I'm torturing myself with desire for you. I'm so aroused by you, knowing I will soon feed my hunger. Everything I see before me builds my desires to please you, your beautiful eyes, face and sexy body.

I kiss and tease around her until we can resist no longer. I must taste all of you, and have you in my mouth, kissing and sucking all of her, especially her most pleasurable spot. You grab my head again, your fingers tugging my hair, pulling my face in proper place. My full lips finally meet yours with a super wet kiss, lips smacking loudly now, sucking as my tongue licks and flicks in spirals, round and round, building in tempo. You grind into my mouth in rhythm with my licks. I begin to focus on your pleasure button, sucking on her, as my hot tongue licks in up and down movements, slowly building speed, keeping in time with your body. I start to suck harder and flick faster, devouring, concentrating, connecting. You begin to arch your back so beautifully, perfectly pushing her into my mouth. Our lips match up so well, sucking you so hard, my tongue at full speed, your wetness flowing steadily, your heart beating faster, feeling the pleasures intensify, I use my free hand to pinch your nipples, bringing you to the brink of exploding.

I sense how close you're getting, so I back off to lap up your deliciousness with a long lick all the way down your ass and back up to your pleasure spot, then back down into your crack, repeating until you start moaning so beautifully. I lick up slowly once one last time, this time pushing my tongue deep deep inside you on the way up. I begin probing, darting in and out with my tongue. Your voice moans louder, separated by long hard inhales and singing sighs. You feel so free with me, to let go, to not hold back, knowing how much I love to please you. I need to hear, feel and taste how beautifully I can make you come. I love feeling your muscles tightening with my tongue inside her. I push in deeper now and reach your Gspot, you're in awe with how deep in my tongue reaches. You begin to beg so sexily, for me not to stop, telling me you'll do anything I want. I stare up into your eyes, smiling knowing what I've earned.

I kiss, lick and suck my way slowly back to your clit, sucking her into my mouth, my tongue flicking at full speed, I slip two fingers inside to reach your Gspot and begin massaging in sync with my sucks. I work in perfect harmony with your body, an artform I have perfected for you. You begin to breath faster, louder, lovely tones eminating from your mouth, you are mine now, as you start to come so hard for me, for you in my mouth, your muscles squeezing my fingers, your clit throbbing on my tongue. I cant stop kissing, licking, sucking you so hard as you keep cumming in my mouth, over and over, moaning in beautiful exstacy. Your body in motion, muscles convulsing, until you let out one last breathy sigh. I am so turned on now, ready for anything more. I love pleasing you... I love earning your affection. Your natural sexy self gives me the chemistry to do anything you love. At times I feel like I'm worshipping your beauty and it is my pleasure. A healthy addiction, you are my drug and I will be yours.

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Physical chemistry is pretty important for me to feel the desire to please that I wrote about. Here's some of what I go for: a very pretty face, pretty cat/asiany/exotic smiling eyes, fuller suckable lips, a toned but naturally curvy body, T&A but not BBW, olive to darker olive/brown skintones like that of Spanish, Latin, Eurasian, and exotic looks. This picture of me should give you an idea of my looks for now. If you can relate to a cute blue eyed, lean cut, funny, creative, sweet guy, reply...

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

MY FRIENDS STINK - m4w - 34

my firneds are getting old and they are beginning to smell
so i need new fun people to hang out with now
so if you are fun can carry a conversation
please contact me

must enjoy going out and doing things

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

starting tommorrow it all goes off

Kill the tv and kill the computer. I will be gone soon where you wont be able to wire tap me, i wont let you continue this.

Found by Weird Mick at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

FORGET THE SEX, LEARN HOW TO READ HEBREW FOR GROCERY SHOPPING - 38

Are you a more quality guy, not into scene, not looking for sex, but tru friendship well, I am single and available for Hebrew lessons for the start, I could use Groceries because I can not drive, maybe fruit or things from Trader Joes.....if you always wanted your very own kind sweet good natured handsome Hebrew teacher friend, give me a call. We can learn the entire alphabet from scratch, you can totally not know one letter. You can not know how to read at all. After I am through with you, you will be reading Hebrew like a Rabbi, praying with the anscient language and impressing your friends. So who needs sex when you can have great friends.........

Found by Eric at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)