« I'll fuck you up against the fridge | Main | I don't think the gays will necessarily want you... »

The Doctor is SO in, baby

* INDULGE YOUR FANTASIES AT THE DOCTOR'S. NOW ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS~ (Upper West Side)

YOUR BODY SHAKES & SHUDDERS ~ YOUR BACK ARCHES ~ YOUR TOES CURL.
Has it been too long since you've experienced divine pleasure like this?
Is it because you work too much? Are in-between relationships?
Unappreciated by a selfish partner? Whatever your situation, the Doctor understands.

EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE TOUCHED in a way that feels good. Another's warm touch is a basic human need. Through role-play therapy, the Doctor will help you embrace your desires and accept them for the natural, healthy, primal urges that they are.

DURING YOUR SESSION the Doctor -- who will be dressed in a white lab coat, crisp shirt and tie -- will begin by asking you a series of personal questions regarding your experiences and perspectives on a variety of intimate behaviours. Do you have trouble reaching climax? Do you strive for more intense orgasms? Multiple ones? Do you often experience throbbing, aching and wetness down below - for no apparent reason?

AS YOU BECOME MORE COMFORTABLE, you may be surprised to hear yourself openly talking about personal intimacies in ways you’ve never uttered to anyone. Ever. Before long the Doctor will have formulated the appropriate therapy for your particular case. He will discuss your options and recommend a course of treatment.

EXAMINATION & TREATMENT.
Putting a stethoscope to your chest, the Doctor will listen to the pace of your heart. Can you feel it quickening? He will then hand you a velour robe and ask you to disrobe in the changing room. And you do, because he's the Doctor and it's important to follow doctor's orders. Upon your return, the Doctor will lay you down on the examining table and begin to look at, feel and probe in places normally kept deeply veiled from view. He will examine your breasts, tweak your nipples, and test their responsiveness. He will gently massage your labia and clitoris with a warm lubricant to observe how they respond to stimuli. Will your vulva swell? Change color? Get moist? Will your nipples grow erect? Will you orgasm? All will be made note of.

FULLY EQUIPPED FOR YOUR PLEASURE.
Donning white latex gloves, the doctor will continue his exploration, probing your anal region to evaluate your level of sensitivity, comfort or alarm. The Doctor is equipped with a variety of sterilized, battery-powered vibrational instruments and may deploy them as he sees fit. Other treatments may include having you masturbate in front of the Doctor so he can observe your orgasming techniques. Or receiving an application of his high-protein moisturizing crème to your body and skin. Additional therapies such as a luxurious full-body massage will be performed as per each patient's needs and requests. In the event you can’t hold still during your exam, it may become necessary to mildly restrain you with the Doctor’s silk necktie. This is for your own good.

THE PRACTICE.
The Doctor provides this unique service as a way for women to explore their sexuality in a safe, sane and completely consensual environment. He finds it gratifying to be able to share his gift of touch. The Doctor operates out of a comfortable and tastefully-appointed home-office in the heart of the upper west side. In his "waiting room" you will find recent editions of People Magazine, Vogue, The Wall St. Journal, and U.S. News & World Report. During your session, lights will be dimmed and incense and aromatic candles burning. "Easy Listening" will be playing as in accordance with law. (For more about the Doctor’s practice, read the NY OBSERVER FEATURE STORY at: HerPrivatePleasures.com)

YOUR FIRST VISIT.
Upon first entering the doctor’s office, you will feel nervous. How nervous? Very nervous. Almost all first-time patients are. But at the same time you will feel alive with a sense of anticipation and forbidden excitement that has been absent from your life for far too long. Butterflies are completely understandable. And as such, the Doctor’s medicine chest is stocked with fine wine and drink should you care to indulge. While the Doctor rarely smokes, feel free to do so if you do.

SAFETY, CONFIDENTIALITY & ANONYMITY.
Please note that the Doctor will refuse any patient averse to using protection for certain acts that may pose a health risk. The Doctor is also adamant about patient privacy. Rest assured that whatever happens here stays here.

NAME YOUR KINK.
Is there's something that turns you on or that you've been curious to try? Now's your opportunity to discuss and/or try it. The Doctor is open-minded and resolutely nonjudgmental. He understands that people enjoy a wide spectrum of pleasures and kinks -- and is willing to accommodate you within reason. So speak up. Your privacy is assured. In fact, the Doctor prefers to not even know your real name.

ABOUT THE DOCTOR.
The Doctor is a boyish-looking 41-year-old single, white, educated professional. By day he is an entertainment industry executive. He is 5' 9", cute, clean, fit, respectful, Jewish and a gentleman. He possesses a wry sense of humor and a vivid and creative imagination. The Doctor is selective about the patients he accepts, with preference given to those who are height/weight proportional. And while he rarely has time for house calls, exceptions can be made in certain emergency situations.

CREDENTIALS.
The Doctor received his medical training by watching hours and hours of General Hospital, ER, Marcus Welby MD, and porn. Since opening his practice in 2004, he has treated numerous “patients” many of whom have become repeat clients. The Doctor orchestrates this role-playing therapy because, quite simply, life is short and this is fun. If you agree and are ready to turn a fantasy into a reality, feel free to inquire about an appointment.

FEMALE NURSE ASSISTANT.
If you would feel more comfortable (or turned on) with a female nurse assistant present during your exam, this can be arranged. Or -- if you'd like to assist the Doctor during his exams of other women, send in your application, as this can be arranged as well.

FEES
While some patients have insisted that the Doctor accept a small gratuity for his fine service, this is not his policy. Although a nice bottle of wine to share will not be refused. Reciprocation? Again, not required. But sure, the Doctor enjoys being touched, too. And an inspired Doctor usually makes for a more inspired examination.

REACHING THE END OF YOUR JOURNEY.
When your one- to two-hour exam regrettably ends, you will be radiating a mischievous glow. Because tonight you’ve been a naughty, naughty girl. And you liked it. You will feel content, fulfilled, exhilarated, and wonder why you waited soooo long to finally surrender to your inner callings. You've read this far and you’re probably thinking “What the fuck! This is so freaky!" Yet, you're strangely intrigued. You’re wondering, “Is this for real?” The Doctor can assure you – it is. And now it’s up to you to...

REQUEST AN APPOINTMENT.
If you are an independent, free-spirited woman not bound by convention, and would like to see the Doctor, send an email with a brief description of yourself, height/weight/age, and the reason you are requesting a visit. Include your photo(s). The Doctor will reply in kind with his. Before granting appointments, a brief phone screening conversation is required. The Doctor is ready to see you now. Are you ready to see the Doctor? (Last-minute requests welcome. No weirdos. Women only, please).

To read an NY OBSERVER feature story about the Doctor, visit: HerPrivatePleasures.com

Post a comment

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)

HEY! Don't expect that the original author of the ad is going to see your comment! We just find them and collect them... we may be weird, but we're not as weird as the folks who actually wrote these ads.